I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch,
One bottle of wine, and a bourbon on the rocks
I had one lassie on me right, another on the left,
I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test!
A long time ago, in a pub far away,
I sat on a barstool, just drinking away,
I couldn’t hold it down, I guess I had too much
I felt a tremor in the force and then I lost my lunch
Woke up in desert land, feeling hot and sick,
I saw a bearded man, he looked like some kind of hick,
He slowly waved his hand, and my pain was gone
He said let’s go see Yoda, and I’ll teach you this song.
We got on a starship, and we flew off into space
He said his name was Obi-Wan, there is no time to waste,
I have to get you trained before it’s too late,
Said drink this bottle of whisky, and don’t give in to hate.
Training went on, and I drank most of the bar
We had to stop off for supplies on the nearest Death Star
I learned to control my fear, and hold my alcohol
Soon I was able to stand when Obi-Wan would fall.
Sat down beside him and looked him in the eye
He looked right back at me, said you judge me by my size
Obi-Wan said careful, for Yoda is the best
I said, ok shorty, bring on that test
Well I could tell you how it ended, I could tell you some lies
But let’s just say, on that night the force was on his side
I got all riled up, and they threw me in jail
I said I don’t believe it, Yoda said that’s why I failed!